Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
