i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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