My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize