Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
zippers are such a cool invention
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
The cops high fived after they tackled you
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
