my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
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