you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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