woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
