im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
