piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
