My liver just broke up with me...
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
