Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
