btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
