i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
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