We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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