ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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