im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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