umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
