By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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