It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Randomize
