i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
