Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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