we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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