...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
