I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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