apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I have aggressive nipples.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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