I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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