In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
it's like heaven, but drunker
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize