What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
