the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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