The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
