I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
