I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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