when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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