And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
time to smoke my breakfast
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
