i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
