Sry I called you an 8
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
