You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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