Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
