I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
