one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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