Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
