I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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