I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
