piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Randomize
