ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
