I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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