have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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