What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
