So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Randomize
