I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Are my feet made of real feet?
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
