My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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