Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
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