What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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