Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
