she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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