Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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