I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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