Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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