I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
i just google imaged poop.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
