ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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