i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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