I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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