I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
