If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
