the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
The beers last night were like the tears from god
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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