You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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