her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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