Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
You are the jesus of drinking
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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