dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Randomize
