Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I'm passing your future prison.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
