guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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