Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
