Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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