i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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