what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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