I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
