In the future we'll all be gay
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
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