I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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