yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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